I’m really bored at work. ‘Talking to the plant’ kind of bored. The kind of bored which makes you do things which you know are a bad idea, but, because they provide momentary relief from the boredom, you do them anyway. Like texting Sam and suggesting he discreetly asks Freddie what he thinks of me, at a party they’re going to that evening. Half an hour later, following consultation with plant, I realise this is a stupid idea, and send a follow-up text saying not to bother.
The next day, I hear from Sam.
‘Did try. Think I aroused his suspicions though.’
That’ll teach me – except it won’t.
I request details. Nothing. Eventually he replies:
‘Just asked which of our mutual acquaintance he fancied.’
‘That’s not a bad approach – well done! Why do you think you aroused his suspicions?’
There’s clearly more to it.
‘He didn’t answer immediately so I asked if it was you.’
‘He was cagey but not adverse. I hope I haven’t panicked you.’
‘No, don’t worry,’ I say. ‘What is panicking me is that you’ve used ‘adverse’, when I think ‘averse’ is the more appropriate word.’
It’s a miracle I have friends.
‘You’re right,’ he says, ‘meant averse. You coming this eve?’
Freddie will be there.
‘Yep, see you later!’
I’m not panicking.