Tech-y issues mean I find myself reading old blog posts.
‘…and, bottom line, we need to have a laugh together.’
I smile. No change there.
‘What’s wrong with him?!’
A fair question from Colleague.
That I know of.
The last time I saw Johann was at a ball. We danced foxtrot, but it was like no foxtrot I’ve ever danced before, full of dips and spins and drops. After each dance he queued to get me a glass of water. Then when I left my dress strap in his room – not what it sounds like – he went to considerable trouble to ensure we were reunited.
‘He has the most beautiful manners,’ I say, with another sigh. ‘Not like…’
My face darkens. Being ditched on my birthday, I can handle. OK, so the timing could have been better, but the act itself is forgivable. What’s not forgivable is the absence of any kind of thank you note for the dinner. No text, no letter, no card – nothing.
‘But at least, this way, it makes it easier to move on, cos, well, you don’t want that.’
‘No,’ Colleague says, with a look of disgust. ‘You don’t.’
It’s in the kitchen for some reason that thoughts of FFS come to me.
‘No NO. Don’t think about him,’ I say out loud, clattering pots and pans, as if the noise might drown out unwelcome thoughts.
I’d read about focusing on someone’s bad points as an effective way of getting over them but had never managed to make it work for me – not because I refused to believe that the men in question had bad points, but because I didn’t know them well enough to know what they were, not having dated any of them.
‘He’s lazy and RUDE,’ I say, to the empty kitchen.
And with those words it’s confirmed, what I always knew, my actual bottom line.