2. Never make the first move on a guy.
3. Only eat when hungry.
#1 and #3 were obviously never going to happen. As for #2, there’s been the occasional lapse in the form of a friendly text message: Valentine’s Day, last Sunday…. I attribute these moments of weakness to a combination of lack of mail, and my desire for one irresistibly funny male.
Had he been less witty, I might have focused more of my efforts on #16, and my houseplant might still be with us.