‘How was your wedding? Not your wedding…’
I laugh. ‘No. Yeah it was fine.’
I try to think of something funny or interesting that happened, besides slicing my legs open with a men’s razor in my haste to get ready, calling for a very attractive patchwork of plasters.
‘How was the party?’ I wind up.
I’d missed Tristan‘s house party for the wedding – a couple I knew from university. For the first two years of our degree he had a long-term girlfriend and
she we pined. For the third year, they dated and, on graduating, moved in together. She looked radiant with happiness standing opposite him at the altar.
‘It was good,’ Tristan says. I get the feeling he’s also struggling for material.
There’s a pause as we apply ourselves to our lunch.
‘So did you meet anyone?’ he says.
I frown. ‘You mean…?’
‘Did you meet the love of your life?’
I laugh. ‘Well I only had about four men to choose from! There was one guy – he had his own mobile home – but he wasn’t the most interesting company. Actually the bride messaged me today saying ‘I hear there was some excitement’ and offering to help, which was very sweet given she’s on honeymoon. But anyway, she misread the situation…’
So much for confining myself to the funny or interesting.
What the bride had actually said was ‘I hear there might be something for the blog’, but Tristan doesn’t need to know this. He’s not listening anyway; at ‘mobile home’ he’d started to laugh.
‘Was he wearing a wife-beater?’ he says. ‘And did he have long sideburns?’
‘No,’ I say, also laughing. ‘He was quite good-looking, but that’s pretty much all he had going for him.’
I could go on, tell him how the groom had come over to us and said with a meaningful look in Mobile Home’s direction, ‘I don’t think Anna needs to worry about accommodation tonight.’
How, faced with the story of my taxi crisis, Mobile Home had offered me a cup of tea in his van (he preferred to call it ‘The Van’).
How I declined in favour of a good night’s sleep, went home to my own mobile home and cried for I don’t know what.
There’s another pause.
‘Tell me more about the party,’ I say.
My Cup of Tea
La Dolce Vita
Things I’ve Said To Tristan