Several months back, I decided I would celebrate my birthday on a scale which meant I could justify inviting Matthew. Then, around the time that FFS first appeared on the scene, I realised this was a silly idea. So it’s kind of fitting that FFS going MIA should be in part responsible for what happens next.
‘Hello Matthew,’ I begin, as if it were the most natural thing in the world to drop him a line after not having seen him for, what, four months? ‘How are you?’
I go on to issue the invitation. It will seem random, that’s for sure, but I’m past caring. FFS has brought me to a real low point, and what I need now is a hit of happiness. A self-help book would probably advise me to go out dancing with my girlfriends (does anyone actually have girlfriends who ‘go out dancing’?), or take up a new hobby (note to self: start running again). What it probably wouldn’t advise is contacting a long-standing crush, who has a girlfriend, and inviting him to your birthday dinner, to which the guy you are/were/might-be-but-who-the-fuck-knows? seeing, is also invited. But it’s fine. I’m not looking to be seduced, only distracted. I hit send on my message and dash off to tango (I’m doing the hobby thing too, so it’s even more fine).
Holding my towel in place with one hand, I straighten the duvet with the other. That’s when I see it, flashing white, my phone, just visible between the folds of fabric. I swipe the screen.
I feel a jolt in the pit of my stomach.
(TO BE CONTINUED)
If You’re A Bird
Boys, Boys, Boys