The Art of Conversation

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‘So the important thing is, not to fuck it up.’

I laugh.

‘Agreed.  Any advice?’

Becky thinks for a moment. ‘Obviously look incredible.  Dazzle with your personality and conversation… to be honest, I haven’t dated much.’


‘Maybe have a few topics of conversation ready in case your mind goes blank?’

‘It won’t.’

It probably will.

At this point my editor appears.

‘You could use the alphabet technique?’ he says.

‘Which is?’

‘If you can’t think of something to say, work through the alphabet, thinking of a topic that begins with each letter.  So a is agoraphobia – probably not – b is… bulimia…’

Is he my editor or my doctor?

‘C is errr…’

Chlamydia?’ Becky says.

Or celibacy?

6 thoughts on “The Art of Conversation

  1. Judging by her oeuvre, I’m assuming Miss Knightly is illustrating the ‘look incredible’ rather than ‘Dazzle with your personality and conversation’.

  2. ARGHHHHHH the pirate is back! This post be quite funny. You write well and you make me laugh, therefore i will not board your ship and steal your precious gold and Italian wines.

    I ask you fair maiden (or manden?) how is a pirate of such high moral fiber supposed to find a woman to marry on the high seas?

    Answer me this and i will grant you 3 wishes. One of them cant be “I wish for infinite wishes” that’s lame and detracts from the finite nature of the wishes thus making each point not important and… lame.

    Good day,
    Ali ‘the pirate, well kinda, depends how you define pirate. I have a peg leg but my parrot died’ Bah Bah

    • I think we can safely say, Jeffery (or is it Ali?), that my ship would not have any Italian wines in the hold; or any wines, period! Dark chocolate wrappers, maybe.

      Apologies for not having addressed the challenges of finding love at sea. I suggest longer spells on dry land in order to improve your chances of meeting that special someone, before then setting sail together. Either one of you will end up overboard (the man, probably); or the lack of alternative company will bring you closer. Don’t mistake this for love.

      I’m sorry to hear that about your parrot, but glad you’re enjoying the blog!

      Keep me posted.


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